my world in words.

I’m bad at looking after stuff. Pretty much anything really. I think I’m good at looking after the things I care about but inevitably it will probably end up lost or broken. 

This is Roy. I got him for my 21st birthday…which was in July. He’s 6 months old. He’s dead. I’m sorry Roy, but you were very needy. Don’t water him enough? He starts dying. Water him to much? He starts dying. I got quite good at judging it and he looked very well for a while. Then his soil went moldy for no reason at all. I probably should have changed his soil but that sounded a bit important and scary so I scraped the mold off and watered him again. This ended in his death. A bad call on my behalf.

This is Stanley. Stanley Owl. He lost his right eye. I don’t even know how it happened. I think that makes it worse. I clearly neglected him too much and probably threw him around too often. I would sew the eye back on but I’m bad at sewing. I’m sorry Stan. 

If my possessions are anything to go by then I’m going to be a very bad mother! Though hopefully my kid won’t loose an eye… or die…

Most people don’t really enjoy their work Christmas parties. Having to sit with a bunch of people you see every day making chit chat and trying not to get too wasted and make a fool of yourself, which inevitably you will because how else are you going to get through dinner with these idiots and a boss like David Brent without a little help from your old friend Jack Daniels? Personally I have no such experience of these events as all the Christmas parties I’ve ever been to are ridiculously fun! My work Christmas parties are wicked. And why? Well, firstly I work for a massive company so they provide us with entertainment in the form of dancers and dodgems to go along with our 3 course meal. And secondly, my colleagues are ACE! For me, the meal is a highlight. As a student at the end of term I’m not familiar with this concept of eating a decent meal. Clearly though, the ultimate highlight (apart from a lot of dodgey dancing) is obviously the dodgems. There is no better idea than providing bumper cars at a work party, it’s simply genius. With dodgems you can outlet all of your work-rage on your colleagues in a fun and acceptable manner. Personally, I have no rage with work, I just like bashing into things in general life. In fact my manager and I spent quite a long time on the Dodgems together. It was epic fun but the bruising on my legs suggest otherwise and I can only hope he doesn’t drive like that in real life. Seriously, if you want your Christmas party to be a success and you work for a large company, hire some dodgems! 

By 1am we were stumbling out into the bitter weather to continue our partying. By this time, most people are totally wrecked. Well, to be honest most people were wrecked by the time the Managing Director gave his Christmas speech just after dinner. There’s no pussy footing around drinking with my work colleagues. Why? Because they’re quite simply a LOT of fun. A few more hours in a bar in town and my friend falls asleep resulting in her eviction from the bar. Hats off to her, I am impressed she can fall asleep in one of the loudest bars in town and we ended our night on a high. The morning brings me an epic hangover which means I miss a day of my life and can’t even bring myself to blog about how happy I am even though I feel like I’m dying. My right foot is caked in dried blood as I managed to cut my toe, no doubt by falling down - the sign of a big night for me. I’ve had the best night and I can’t help but feel saddened at the thought that next year I won’t be able to attend what can only be described as a ‘totes #amazeballs’ night! So to all those people who don’t enjoy their Christmas party, my heart goes out to you, maybe you should come and work with me?

As with most libraries, my university library charges you for returning books late. A standard book costs 80p a day if you don’t get it back on time. Course Collection is where they keep the ultimate books that everyone wants. These books cost 80p per HOUR that they’re late! They’re kept in their own little room with their own security sensors. To be honest, I’m surprised they haven’t hired bouncers to go on the entrance because if the alarms go off, which happened to me yesterday, librarians start running at you from all directions. You can only have a Course Collection book for 6 hours and NOT A MINUTE LONGER, seriously. The only way to get around this is to take the book out on a Friday after 4pm, that way you can keep it until Monday 10am, crafty. You MUST return the book before 10am or 4pm depending on when you took it out. Literally, they’re not lying when they say the machines are sensitive. The biggest fine I ever received from Course Collection alone was £5.60.

Today, at 9:40am I realised I had a Course Collection book. Damn. Twenty minutes to race to the library else goodbye 80p, money which I have big plans for. Fortunately, as I happen to have the BEST boyfriend in the world EVER he said he would drive me to the library. Driving to the library in itself is not easy. Firstly, after a cold night the windows were misted up and the low winter sun meant difficult driving conditions. Secondly, men stand at the entrances to the university which means you can’t drive onto campus unless you have, I don’t know, a permit or a life threatening reason or something. The first man turned us away. The second man we simply just drove up to and I jumped out and quite simply ran to the library. Not cool but I’ve lost too much money to that library over the past 3 years. The time, according to the check in point in Course Collection was 9:58am, RESULT! Take that Course Collection! My 80p is safe for yet another day!

Week 7 freaks me out. Every term, every year, it’s the same story…the dreaded week 7 of university. Here are some reasons why week 7 is the worst week of uni…. You lay awake worrying about how close the number 7 is to the number 10 and therefore how close your final deadlines are. All the books have been taken out of the library and there are at least 3 holds on each one. You struggle to find a space in the library which has a plug so you can use your laptop because everyone else has ‘The Fear’ as well and they too are rushing to the library. You skip dinner to continue staying in the library and feel depressed when the alarm goes off at midnight to tell you to leave. You now have a favourite seat in the library and feel offended if you arrive and find someone already sat there. You instantly hate people who sigh, breathe loudly, bite their nails or talk to their mates whilst in the library. You spend most of your money on coffee to keep you going. Lecturers don’t email you back fast enough or worse they cancel meetings or don’t turn up on time, if at all, wasting valuable study time. Lectures become a chore and interrupt your flow of work but you go anyway simply for a ‘break’. You have no money because you spent the first few weeks of term spending far too much on shots of Sambuca and Aviation Fuel and then spending the next day ordering Dominoes to help you through the hang over. Consequently you now have hardly any money to survive on as your loan is almost non-existent. You begin to live off of food which quite frankly should have been thrown away but if you cut off the gammy bits you can get away with it. It’s colder inside your house than outside and if you choose to work there you end up getting under your duvet to write an essay with gloves on which only results in having a nap. You no longer go to the gym; there’s simply no time. Estate agents are constantly ringing you to bring students to view your house which is crazy because it’s November and none of those Freshers will be friends by the end of next term but there’s no way they’ll listen to that, they just want to know what your internet connection is like and how small the smallest room really is. You have to start thinking about Christmas shopping else you really will have no money to do this in December. You go out to let you hair down, but the clubs are empty because hey, it’s week 7, everyone’s poor and too busy to party. You now often go to bed before midnight. This is week 7. And you can’t believe it’s come round this fast.